Have you heard of the new Bin Laden drink?

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Two Shots and a Splash of Water

I always give credit where credit is due. Thanks to Jim Keating for that gem!

I have a question for you all.

Is it bad that I used the lyrics to a Cee Lo Green song to introduce the concept of metaphors and similes to my eight year old?

Ok, let me clarify … it’s the clean version of “F*ck You”,  entitled “Forget You”.

I was kind of thinking I was Mother of the Year, you know, pulling from something he thought was ‘cool’ to squeeze in a little ed.u.cation.

Am I right?

Hello, hello

(tap, tap, tap)

is this thing on?

Anyhoo,

I’m sure you all know the line I’m talking about…

“I guess he’s an Xbox and I’m more Atari”.

He was singing it one day, getting 4 words wrong in that line alone, so I told him what the real words where.

It took him a couple of tries to pronounce Atari correctly, which made me laugh a little.

I said “Do you know what metaphors and similes are? Because that line is a good example”

Now before I could explain to him what I meant by that, I had to actually explain to him what Atari was…

which made me feel old,

but then I felt happy,

thinking about Atari brought back fond memories of playing ‘Adventure’,

but that lasted only about 15 seconds until I felt old again.

So, after he asked a zillion questions about what a player could and couldn’t do on Atari

(as you well know, it was pretty much all ‘couldn’t')

I dove right  into metaphors and similes….

never explaining which was which,

since I actually just had to google that myself.

But I introduced the words ‘metaphor and simile’ … kind of just like that,

kind of like one big word

metaphorandsimile

Soooo, to his future English teachers, this story will probably come up when you get to the metaphor and simile chapter…

and

(sigh)

I’m

sorry.

I should be teaching him English as much as I should be teaching him Spanish.

Metaphorically speaking.

Whatever that means.

Adios.

It was this morning at about 6am.

Everyone is still in bed.

The house is dark.

The house is quiet.

Then,

the phone rings.

It jolted me awake.

I looked at the time.

My heart sank.

I knew what it could be.

I grabbed the phone and looked at the caller id.

My worst fears are realized…

its the automated ‘no school’ phone call.

Can I remind you what today is…

the day before Thanksgiving,

Thanksgiving eve, if you will.

So in the dark of my bedroom,

with just the faint orange glow from the ringing phone,

the realization comes over me,

and with horror in my voice, I say aloud,

“Oh. My. God. I’m going to have to bring them to the grocery store”.

The mere thought of it sent shudders up my spine,

I was so emersed in my thoughts that I  almost didn’t answer the phone in time.

Thank god I did though.

Because its just the high school, NOT the elementary school.

I then fell soundly back to sleep, with a smile on my face,

for about 37 seconds,

till the phone woke the kids.

Happy Thanksgiving to you ALL!!

I am sick.

Well, I was sick.

And it was more like a sick week, than a sick day.

First my daughter was sick…which lead to a very unproductive afternoon of running to the bathroom, Full House reruns, and red Gatorade.

FYI – The red Gatorade made a ‘come-back’ later in the day…if you know what I mean.

Then she was better.

Yippee!

Then I was sick.

Boo.

Haven’t thrown up like that in years…my insides still hurt.

I was in the grip of the stomach flu, when my son started…well, lets just say spouting.

So that was another very unproductive day of puking, Animal Cops and flat ginger ale.

Just as my son and I were getting better, our houseguest Nate (more on him in the next post) made a midnight stop to the bathroom.

I don’t know which is worse, throwing up yourself, or listening to someone throw up.

Poor guy.

And just as this is all going down, my husband gets a touch of it too.

So you see, I may have only been down and out with the flu for two days,

but really that damn flu had its grips on me the whole week.

And that my friends, is why you haven’t heard from me….

and why my laundry isn’t done…

and why my dishes are piled in the sink…

and why my yard is a mess…

and why I haven’t sent out Christmas thank you’s…

and why I haven’t returned my neighbor’s tupperware since August…

and why I haven’t taken up running, or any other meaningful exercise…

and why… you get the picture.

We first met at Rebecca’s house, when she handed you to me on a little 5 x 3 index card.  

It was love at first sight, at least for me…

Back then you were great, but the more time we spent together, the more I molded you into something pretty close to perfection.

If I do say so myself.

I am confident in saying that you are, in fact, way more popular than I am.  

I simply ride your proverbial coattails.

Sure I know how to present you in my big basket with the cloth napkins overflowing on the sides highlighting the contrast of the big white bowl filled with the freakishly orange yet addicting concoction.  

You may taste wonderful…but, for me,  you are so much more.

Why just yesterday you helped me in three ways:

1. You were a welcomed site on the buffet at my friends baby shower…to the point that not long after she was ‘surprised’ , she pointed to you and said ‘yay, chicken dip’.

2. You were also my present to said baby shower friend…a frozen batch of you for to enjoy whenever she likes.

3. And lastly, and perhaps most important, I used you as a bribe to my neighbor.  He watched my kids while I went to the baby shower and, he received a batch of you in return.

Oh, Buffalo Chicken Dip recipe I would not be invited to nearly as many social functions… and would have little, actually nothing, to barter with if you weren’t in my life.

I heart you.

Love, Jenn

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I was also remembering when I first moved to Maine and picked her as my doctor.

It dawned on me, at that point, that perhaps I went about choosing a doctor a bit differently than the average person.

Now, I suppose I could have asked around to my new neighbors and friends.

Or I could have done some online research.

But I didn’t.

I looked down the list of names that accepted our insurance…

and there she was…

Dr. Andrea Brown.

Love her.  She is great.

But I guess I’m just lucky that she is so good,

because…

I picked her for her name – and name alone.

You see, my best friend from high school is named Andrea.

And the family that I used to nanny for – and totally love – are the Brown‘s.

I’m mean, it was really a no-brainer, right? 

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Don’t forget to subscribe on the right over there – get an email when there is a new post.  Plus, coming up soon, a giveaway for just my subscribers….shh,shh.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you for inventing the thermos, back in 1892.

Your invention has single-handedly changed the meaning of ‘packed lunch’ for millions.

On a personal note, the thermos has opened up a plethora of lunch options for my kids…kids who

…dun, dun, dun…

don’t like sandwiches!

The horror.

You have enabled me to send spaghetti and meatballs, macaroni and cheese, grilled chicken and rice,  homemade chicken nuggets…ok, not homemade, Perdue (I just can’t lie to you guys!)

And just recently you enabled my daughter to share some of her Dominican culture by making it possible to bring quipe for lunch….hey, a big hola to all my dominican peeps out there – Abuela’s quipe rock.

But I digress.

You would think that having the thermos at my disposal would be a good thing…heck, a great thing.

And I have used it for good – on most occasions.

But, alas, I used it for evil last Friday.

I did the unthinkable.

I mean, it had been a really long week, with work, the kids, the house…oh, and I was sick.

Right, I was sick, really sick.

And

well

ok, I’m just gonna say it…

I sent my two children to school

with

leftover chinese food for lunch.

Damn thermos just made it too easy.

That’s right, mother of the year right here, Sir Dewar…..hey are you Dewar as in I’ll have a Dewar’s on the rocks??  If so, I may have another letter to write you soon!

XOXO

Jenn

There was that one time, over the summer, when my son came in from playing with his buddy, Zach.

He says, “It’s really funny because our family is kinda opposite to Zach’s family”

I was confused to say the least.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well, in his family his dad is the nice one, and his mom is the mean one…and in our family you’re the nice one and daddy is the mean one”

I smiled a bit, and used that little chat to emphasize to my husband that he needs to be tad nicer….afterall, I could say that, I was the nice one.

Well, then last week…

I was making breakfast for my kids, my son said, “Whenever we do something bad when Daddy is around, he says go to your room!”

And I said, “Well, yes, if you do something naughty you get punished”

Silence.

So then I asked, “So what do I say when you do something wrong?”

And, in unison, they said “You get one more chance.”

Sigh.

So I think the verdict is in…

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Hey, if you like what you’re reading please click on Top Mommy Blogs – over there on the right – and vote for me….just takes two clicks…you don’t need to sign up or anything crazy like that!

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Thanks so much for reading!!!

I know I have not been as much a regular to Dunkin Donuts as I had once been, since the ‘new’ coffee shop in town opened.  I am so sorry to have forsaken you!

But since receiving DD coupons in the mail, I’ve been back numerous times in the past week, only to find out….you don’t work there anymore.

Sigh.

You were so nice to my family.  You learned the kids names, and they called you Miss Nancy.  You were the best drive -thru lady ever!

Granted we never actually saw you from the waist down, and you never saw us standing up (which, trust me, is a good thing – I look way cooler sitting in my car), but we thought of you as a friend. 

Remember the time I only had my expired credit card with me, and you let me have the food I ordered and told me to pay next time.

That was cool of you.

And remember the time I actually took a shower and put on makeup, and you said “Wow, you look good today, why are you all dressed up”….you were the only one who complimented me all day.

You were nice.

Remember when you could tell it was us ordering, you had figured out our voices – or wait, did you have a camera? - either way, you’d say “Hi Max and Matilda” and they’d squeal, “its Miss Nancy”.

Good times.

We shall truly miss you, Miss Nancy.  I hear you may be working at the DD in the next town.  Perhaps we shall cross paths again….but for now, I’m almost out of DD coupons and will soon be returning to my ‘regular’ coffee shop.  Sorry, but they have better ice coffee and bagels.

Apparently, our relationship wasn’t meant to last.

With love,  Your favorite customers.

Well, I’m kinda, sorta pseudo famous.

I was included in an article that ran in a local paper about bloggers.

My picture was in the paper too. 

Yeah, so what if it is the same photo from my blog.

What?

That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the only good photo I’ve taken since the late 90′s….

but,

alas, 

it is.

sigh

Well, at least I’ve got this article goin’ for me….kinda.

I mean how many people can say they’ve been on page B8 of the York County Coast Star, huh? 

Hey, at least my picture was above the fold!

So how has my life changed since becoming famous, you ask.

Well, I used to go grocery shopping in complete anonymity….still do, must be the big sunglasses I wear.

I used to have to pump my own gas…still do, wouldn’t want anyone to think I felt entitled or anything.

I used to walk my kids to the bus….now I drive, mostly because its colder in the morning, not really because I’m famous.

I used to ….um, um….well, I could go on and on about the crazy famous life I lead, but I won’t. 

Some might compare my rise to stardom to Lady Gaga.

Seriously, some might. 

Ok, maybe one or two.

One?

But you won’t catch me in a ‘meat suit’, the gals at PTA would have a cow!

(sometimes I really crack myself up)

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If you care to read the article that made me pseudo famous (in my own mind) here it is.  And thanks so much to Donna for her kind words!!

Blogland: Locals find creative outlet as bloggers | SeacoastOnline.com.

Always remember - I ♥ you - my loyal readers, no matter how famous I get!